Relationships

I just want to put this in writing, so as to make my decision more permanent.
Just to give you a little back history, I have been through my fair share of relationships. Relationships have been for me an easy way for Satan to lead me astray. It has been something I have struggled with for 5 years, and I have finally come to the breaking point where enough is enough. I know I am being vague but I don't feel like writing my whole life story here. If you are interested it hearing it you can contact me personally (alyse2232@yahoo.com). With that said, I have acquired a new way of viewing relationships with the help of  Bible study through the book Love Notes: A biblical look on love by Ryan Dalgliesh. See a review of the book here.

My new outlook:

*Relationships NEED to be God centered.
Ryan Dalgliesh in his book Love Notes: a biblical look at love said:

"The true measure of a relationship focused on God comes after the date, or phone call. Women, if after the date you find yourself wanting to know God better because of the guy you were with, and men if after the date you find yourself wanting to know God better because of the girl you were with, then you have a God centered relationship."

*Dating is to find your spouse
If I'm not ready to prepare for marriage, then I'm not going to get in a relationship. This is going to be hard for me if/when an opportunity arises and I am not ready for marriage. It's just that being in a relationship when I am not ready to get married is like setting up an event years in advance. It wont work out. All the decorations will fall apart and you will be left there waiting with nothing to do. And when you have nothing to do, you find something to do and that usually leads to trouble, try leaving a couple of kids in a room by themselves - they will eventually tear the place apart and probably tear each other apart.

*Date what you want to marry
Since dating is to find my spouse then if there is something about the person I am dating that is not up to my standards (if they do not have my same beliefs or morals) then I shouldn't be dating them, Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? - 2Co 6:14 ESV. This is something I have always struggled with too - having standards. In the past I have always just accepted what has come my way. But I deserve better than that. God wants the best for me, so I should want the best for me. Some of you might think it is wrong to just drop someone because they don't fit your mold, but the truth of the matter is that you won't be able to change a person. So for I need to be dating the type of man that would be well suited to be my partner for life, because its not like I can just pick any ol' guy and think that I can make him into the man I want. It doesn't work that way. The Holy Spirit needs to be molding the man, not me.

*As a woman I should be sought after
What I mean is the guy should be asking the girl out not the other way around. If you look though out the bible you will usually see the man going after the girl. This has been a problem for me in the past too. If I liked a guy I would ask him out. Song of Solomon shows this at its best. Love Notes breaks down Song of Solomon showing this point clearly. I would encourage you to buy that book if anything I am saying interests you and you want to know more. I need to learn to be patient and wait for a guy to come for me. One of the main points in Song of Solomon is that you should not awaken love until it is ready. A man will come after a woman when he is ready for a relationship. I have been rejected before because the guy was not ready for a relationship. The timing was not right, he was not done with college and did not have a job. A woman can, however, be proactive by presenting herself as a pure modest woman who is ready to receive a man, but should not pursue a man. Men like the chase, and women like to respond.

*Intimacy is reserved for marriage
We all have heard this, but still is the biggest struggle (at least for me). With my past mistakes I have come to the conclusion that anything other than holding hands means you are in a danger zone. So beware. Also intimacy is not only physical, sharing your self with another person as in telling them about yourself is emotional intimacy. The level of intimacy should me matched by the the level of commitment.


So that is the backbone of my view of relationships now. I hope it can help you.
With God's help I will defeat the hold (update: I have defeated this stronghold!) that Satan has on me through relationships. so that my relationships may be (are and will be) able to glorify God rather than put Him to shame.